No Reason
by hermionesmydawg
Summary: Deeks has a problem in his pants. Kensi makes it worse.


**This is sort of meant to go along with 6x17, Savoir Faire. But it could really just take place at any time. **

**As usual, I own nothing related to this show. Except DVDs. Does that count? No? Okay.**

* * *

"What do you think?"

Kensi sat up straight, startled by her partner's voice. They'd been in the boatshed for what felt like hours, watching Sam and Callen interview a suspect. It's not like she was so bored that she had almost fallen asleep...okay yeah, she had almost fallen asleep. "What do I think about what?"

Shifting in his chair, Deeks tugged on his jeans. "Sam. You think it's too early for him to be back at work?"

"It's uh, he took about the same amount of time off that you did when you got shot," she answered from across the table. An open file sat in between them, begging to be read for the twentieth time.

He eyed her and then the file before pulling the folder closer to him. "Well, that's different."

"How so?"

"Uno," he pointed a finger in the air. "I took two .22s to the gut, and Sam was shot in the chest by a sniper. And dos, I am considerably younger than Sam."

"Are you..." she paused, narrowing her eyes as her partner fidgeted with his pants again. It was really distracting her. Mostly because she had a vested interest in the contents of his pants. "Did you just call Sam old?"

"No!"

"I think you did..."

"You just want to get me in trouble with him, but I did not, nor have I ever, called him old."

She pulled the file back across the table. "I can't believe you're _still_ afraid of Sam...Deeks, what the hell is wrong with you?" He was still tugging at his jeans, and the fidgeting had been going on too long for her to ignore it anymore.

"There's nothing wrong," he replied nonchalantly.

She scowled. "Then why are you acting like you have ants in your pants?"

"Oh." Deeks looked at his crotch, obviously contemplating how painful it would be to literally have ants in his pants. "It's nothing. I just have a BNR."

_A what?_ Kensi tilted her head. "I'm sorry, you have a what?"

"BNR. Boner for no reason," he answered with a shrug. "No big deal. I mean, it's a big deal obviously, because well...it's not a small deal, yaknowhati'msayin?"

Eyes wide, she shook her head. "I really have no idea about anything you are saying right now. I'm still stuck on boner for no reason."

"It just happens sometimes. And I'm going to let that 'stuck on boner' slide today."

She rolled her eyes. "Can we stop saying boner yet?"

"Fine." Crossing his arms, he turned his attention back to the big screen. There still wasn't anything significant happening, unfortunately.

Kensi flipped through the file, not reading a damn thing on the pages. She simply wanted to distract herself from the mental image of the trouser tent being pitched across the wooden table from her. The distraction wasn't working. At all. "So…you're really just all like…_boing_ over there?"

The big screen was somehow still holding his attention as he responded to her. "Boing?"

"You know." She held her hand up and pointed her index finger in the air, mimicking the sound of tightly coiled spring being released.

Grinning, Deeks nodded his head. "It's really more like a chubby than a full on stiffy."

She bit on her bottom lip to repress her own smile. Sure, she saw his erection on a very regular basis. Hell, she loved it. It's just not something they usually talk about, especially not at work. "How many names do you have-"

"It's not like I'm fully cocked and loaded," he interrupted, his grin spreading even wider. "But I've got one in the chamber."

"Cocked and loaded?"

"You like that one?"

Hell yeah she liked his dumb jokes, but she wouldn't acknowledge it. Deeks was cocky enough already. Pun intended. "So does this happen...often?"

He was clearly enjoying her sudden interest in all things south of his equator. It wasn't just because she was digging the Deeks dick - he thought it was incredibly cool that his girlfriend didn't shy away from conversations like this. "Like I said, it just happens sometimes. Not all the time, though. Just more often if it's kinda quiet and relaxing. The beautiful view doesn't help matters, either."

"Why, thank you," she said, blowing him a kiss.

He pointed out the window and braced for impact. "Actually, I was talking about the ocean."

"Hilarious," she remarked dryly as he snorted with glee. But all of this penis talk was inspiring an idea - a fun, yet horribly stupid idea. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember the time the boatshed had been breached and Sam held captive in it. They'd tapped into their video cameras in the main room then, so she knew where the blind spots were. She looked up to her right and then to her left, scoping out the angles and views that could be seen if anyone ever reviewed old footage. She was pretty sure her super stupid, super fun idea could work.

"Ah, ah, achoo!" Kensi dramatically faked a sneeze, sending the file and its papers flying across the old wooden floor of the boatshed. It was a near perfect execution, if she said so herself.

"Bless you," Deeks said slowly as he eyed her with suspicion. Maybe the sneeze wasn't good enough to fool him, but it still served its purpose.

With a wink, she slid out of her chair and crouched on the floor. The papers weren't strewn about as much as she'd wanted, so she fumbled with the sheets around her until most of them were under the table. "Wow," she exclaimed way too loud. "I am so clumsy today!"

"Wow, you are the worst actor ever. How are you even part of an elite - hey, whoa." Deeks went from amused to confused to oh shit in the span of a minute. The oh shit became a lot stronger when his partner disappeared under the table and tugged his chair, jamming the table into his solar plexis. "What the hell are you doing?" He hissed, blindly feeling around for her.

Kensi laughed just a bit too evilly. If Deeks thought her normal laugh was frightening, her evil laugh should have chilled him to the bone. Ahem. "Oh nothing," she replied innocently. The way she ran her hands up his denim clad legs and spread them at his knees was anything but innocent, however.

"You're not gonna-"

"No, you idiot." Though the idea of sucking him off in the boatshed was pretty damn exciting, there was no way she'd do something that risky at work. No, she just wanted to tease him a little. To give some sort of validity to the boner, if you will.

"Damn, thought I could cross that off of my bucket list…"

Shaking her head with a smile, she traced her hand up his thigh until she found what she was looking for. He jerked as her hand cradled his cock through his jeans, rubbing him between her fingers. She faintly heard a growl that sound like the word "evil" above the table, but that didn't stop her. Biting her lip, she squeezed him harder, relishing the feeling of him growing under her touch. But just as she got him to the point where he was quite obviously (and visibly) excited, she stopped and started gathering the papers on the floor. Evil? You betcha.

"Whaaaaat…"

Crawling out from the other side of the table, Kensi reached for the last piece of paper and stood up slowly, purposely flaunting her ass as she did. She was pretty sure her grin would be permanently plastered on her face for the rest of the day. "What's the problem, Deeks? I just had to clean up my mess."

He scowled, then opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. And repeat. Then he spoke just a simple, yet a little bit whiny, "Why?"

Stacking the papers neatly and placing them back in the file, she just shrugged as she plopped back in her chair.

Deeks grunted and slipped his hoodie off of his shoulders, placing it in his lap to hide the evidence of his partner's teasing. "You just wait until you get home."

"Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots," she joked, shivering for added emphasis.

"You will be," he said with a smirk.

"What does that mean?"

"That as soon as we get in the door, I'll have you pressed against the wall so fast that you won't give a shit about taking your boots off."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I'm gonna fu-oh, hey guys." Clearing his throat, Deeks shifted in his chair once again as Sam and Callen joined them. "Making any progress?"

"No, our backs are against the wall right now," Callen replied sourly.

"Back, hands, either way," Deeks said quietly, giving a pointed look to Kensi. She rolled her eyes at him but couldn't hide the flush in her cheeks.

"Maybe we should regroup, get with Eric and Nell and see if they've found anything we're missing here," Sam said.

"Good idea." Kensi pushed herself up, squeezing her boobs together to deliver one last blow across the table.

He waited to stand up, wanting his now full-blown stiffy to be hidden as much as possible from their senior agents. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell phone and typed the filthiest text message ever written to Kensi. He watched her walk towards the door and hit send, then waited for her inevitable stunned expression.

A chorus of beeps and tweeting sounds echoed throughout the old boatshed, and all the agents reached into their pockets for the phones. That…shouldn't have happened. "Oh shit."

Kensi's eyes grew wide as soon as she saw the message and realized that Deeks had accidentally sent a text intended for her to the entire group. She dropped her phone and tried to snatch Sam's and Callen's from them. "Don't read that!"

"You gonna do what to my _what_?!" Sam shouted.

Deeks dropped his head in his hands, too mad at himself to even find the words to apologize.

"Um," Callen scrunched his nose. "I think I'll have to pass on that offer…Maaaaaarty."

"Guys," Kensi pleaded. "Can we all just keep this between us, forget this ever happened?"

The same chorus of beeps and tweets rang through the room again. But none of them had sent any messages?

"Damn."

"Oh, that's bad."

"Oh my God."

Swallowing hard, Deeks raised his head and checked his phone. There was a message from Hetty.

"_May I have a word upon your return, Mr. Deeks?"_

He sighed and stood up, throwing his hoodie over his shoulder as he dragged his feet towards the exit. Sam and Callen shared a look before leaving the junior partners alone.

"Wow, did I fuck up or what?"

She linked her arm through his. "Yeah, you did. But I'll accept equal blame. Even though I'm smooth enough to not get caught."

"Dammit," he growled.

"We couldn't keep it quiet forever," she tried to reassure him (and herself). "But hey, look on the bright side."

He tilted his head. "There's a bright side?"

"Your um, problem," she glanced down at his crotch, "is gone."

"Yeah," he chuckled softly. "Okay."

But _damn_, now they had to deal with a whole other problem. A magnum-sized problem.


End file.
